LEARNING TO BE ME AFTER A CATASTROPHIC EVENT

It has been just over a year since my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died of a major cardiac event. I still shed tears nearly everyday, but I no longer break into uncontrollable sobs at the most inopportune times or in  the most inappropriate places. I weep in the privacy of my home.

A fellow blogger submitted a post about a widow who couldn’t bear to live without her recently departed spouse and she committed suicide Her body was found by his tombstone. I  feel that lady’s unbearable pain, but it is unfortunate that she decided to end her life. Nobody knows what the next day will bring–and think of the double sorrow and guilt that her family and friends are now subjected to. I also miss my spouse  but I still have memories of him  and I see traits of him in my children and grandchildren, I reminisce –and yes even laugh with family and our mutual friends about past shared adventures and escapades  I often feel  D’s presence and I carry him with me in my heart.

A short time after that fateful day I posted a blog and stated that I am no longer part of a “we,” but ‘’ONLY A ME”. I am still a me but I  don’t consider myself to be ONLY a me. I am Me- a me that out of necessity accomplished things I didn’t know I was capable of. I have grown and I have gotten to know myself and I actually like that self. She is O.K.

I will strive to thrive and try to be, the best me that I can be.  I  think I just created a limerick -not quite as good as “Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers–“ but not bad.   In any event I look foreword to going foreword and I Intend to enjoy life for both myself and my hubby.

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Have A Party–live a little

It is the weekend and I am going to invite my skin to join me for a private party. Let me explain. I recently became acquainted with a personable young gentleman, Alex Razaimor, who introduced me to the world of Vine.Vera–a wonderful line of skin care products. A main ingredient in the various creams, peel and masks is reveratrol taken from the skin of red grapes. This ingredient is also found in red wine and is  full of powerful anti oxidants. Resveratrol is combined with other natural ingredients such as vitamins and minerals to form each unique product  These products are  anti aging and leave the skin looking and feeling rejuvenated and healthy.

I suggest you check out the Vine.Vera website at:

http://www.vinevera.com

Also you can get to know Alex  Razimor through Facebook and YouTube.

While my skin is being pampered, I thought maybe I would enjoy a glass of red wine–But no I  changed my mind and instead I will opt to have my nightly cocktail of Purium Apothe Cherry concentrate, made from tart cherries, natures most nutritionally dense food. This anti aging , anti inflammatory  organic non GMO  food contains natural melatonin and greatly enhances my sleep.  So while my skin is being pampered and rejuvenated from the outside I will be pampered and rejuvenated from the inside.What a wild Party! I have to learn to tone things down.

To learn more about Apothe Cherry and other Purium products go to

mypurium.com/livelifegreen

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doggie dynamics

grandpups

My human parents referred to us as the  Boyz

They spoiled us with the best treats and toys.

The lake cottage in Muskoka  has been our home

Once we were three, but alas now I am alone

Boskoh the cute white Bishon was the oldest

He was always in trouble and was the boldest.

He hopped on chairs and tables to devour the food

and peed outside only when he was in the mood.

Mommy  and Daddy decided they needed another.

Little Dude a cockapoo became Boskoh’s brother.

Boskoh didn’t like sharing the attention with this  pest .

And to put it mildly  he was less than impressed .

But It didn’t take long for him to stop being mean

and the two were great friends when I entered the scene.

I am Stomp, a Goldiepoo  and gorgeous of course

My Gramma says  I am  as big as a  horse.

One winter when in the yard standing there

A passerby mistook me for a polar bear.

When  I arrived I was smaller than Boskoh and Dude

but I grew tall and strong  from all the good food

I used to love to romp and  run under the table

until one day I bonked my head and was no longer able.

Although my brothers were older than me

I intimidated them it was plain to see.

I scowled and growled to keep them in line

to insure that I was fed first at meal time.

Chairman Kaga, our city  cousin a Labradoodle

looks like a very large curly brown poodle .

When he came to visit he was basically ignored

If he initiated play we pretended to be bored.

The exception was Dude- when we weren’t around

he would  romp with his cousin and be a clown.

Dude recently left with Mom and Dad who were in tears

He went to join Boskoh who has been gone for two years

I am so lonely now. How  I miss those two guys

Please Kaga  come to the cottage, we have family ties.

I am sorry Kaga I was mean and it was a sin.

Please forgive me, cousin  because we are kin.

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THE EXPEDITION

My expedition was to a  physicians hospital office to get the results of a medical test performed the previous week. Normally the hospital is about a twelve to twenty  minute drive depending on the traffic. My appointment was for ten thirty in the morning. Spring had arrived at last. The day was warm and pleasant and I decided to take the bus and arrive early to stroll the lovely grounds. I left home at  ten to nine and walked five  minutes to the bus stop. A few people were waiting. No bus was insight. After several minutes I decided to walk a few blocks to the stop at the main intersection. The light at the intersection was red It changed to green but the traffic didn’t move, including the gridlock caught in the inter section and the firetruck with the flashing lights and blaring siren.

  I struckup a conversation with a frail looking but sprightly  older senior sporting a cane and grocery bags filled with clippings from her garden. She told me that her son  had driven her here, from farther north taking  side streets. Only one lane of south bound traffic was open on the main road due to road construction and traffic was virtually at a stand still. Buses weren’t getting through. She had been waiting for about forty minutes  at this stop for a bus that never came. It turned out that she had an apointment at the same hospital where I was going.  The bags of plant clippings were for the doctors receptionist. Her appointment was for eleven o’clock and she was afraid she would be late.  If she was going to be late for her eleven o’clock appointment what chance did I have to get to my appointment by ten thirty? I thought of calling the doctors office to inform the receptionist  that I  would be late . I opened my purse and “Oh Oh “ my phone was not there.  I realized It was  still plugged in to the charger on the kitchen counter. I looked for a taxi .There was a shortage of taxi cabs in the vicinity . The only one I saw was going in the opposite direction filled with passengers. Then I had an idea. I would ask the lady with the cane and bags of clippings if I could have a bag of clippings to give to my doctor’s receptionist as a peace offering for arriving late–but the old lady wasn’t there. Then I spotted her . She was in the middle of the road trying to get someone to give her a ride. She approached several vehicles and tapped on the window  with her cane. She tried to convince the few drivers who actually rolled down their windows to give her a lift. She was unsuccessful. Suddenly the traffic started to move. I yelled for the gutsy senior to be careful and to return to the safety of the  side walk. I suspect in addition to being somewhat physically challenged she was also  somewhat hearing challenged because she ignored me. She finally hobbled out of the way, weaving in and out of traffic at almost the same minute that the bus finally arrived.
   I arrived at my appointment an hour late. Other patients were also late due to the road conditions. The doctor did see me for maybe two minutes to tell me that my test results were fine. Why couldn’t these results been relayed by telephone ? I know Doctors want to get paid, but perhaps a telephone consultation fee could be paid by  health insurance .
   I took the bus home. South bound traffic moved quickly. It was a fast ride and  also an interesting ride. Me and others  on the bus couldn’t help being privy to the one-sided telephone conversation of a fellow passenger. His phone had a very loud ring and he had an even louder voice. The one sided conversation went something like this: ‘HELLO , HELLO,  WHO IS THIS?—— BRIAN? HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER BRIAN?—-  YA YA I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN MEETING WITH YOU BRIAN. BUT HERE IS THE THING,  BRIAN YOU CANT CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME. CALL ME ON MY OTHER NUMBER I AM REALLY INTERESTED.”
Interested in What ? A drug deal? A romantic liaison? A contract to kill someone? I never did find out.I wanted to ask him to turn on the speaker on his phone so we could hear the whole conversation. I didn’t because I didn’t think it was politically correct to do so. The bus arrived at my stop and I exited the bus although I must admit I was tempted to stay on board to eavesdrop on more of the one sided  conversation. Now some of you must think I am a nosy busy body. That may be true but I prefer to think of myself as a curious individual interested in people and their lives. Hmm that does sound like a busy body. Well nobody is perfect.
My expedition to the doctor lasted over three hours. I saw the doctor for two minutes, The good thing is this expedition  gave me fodder for this blog.
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BOYCHOIR——–a movie not to be missed

I shed a few tears , I smiled, I was amused by the adolescent  boys’ pranks and shenanigans and I was mesmerized by the  chorale performance by the  American Boychoir boarding School. Such talent! Their voices were angelic,  melodic and unbelievable.

This film written by Ben Ripley and directed by French Canadian Francois Girard, [directer of  the Red violin in 1988,]- was part of the 2014 Toronto International Film Festival. This is the story of Stet–a troubled, angry  and disadvantaged youth, alone in the world. His future probably would have been one of a life of crime and poverty had it not been for the intervention of his public school drama teacher, who was instrumental in having him accepted into  a boys singing academy. Stet was played by Garrett Wareing. This was the first movie role for this multi talented individual, whose family is also involved in the performing arts, His father and sister  appeared in the movie. Dustin Hoffman,    Kathy Bates and Debra Winger are part of this large cast of talented actors. In my opinion Garrett Wareing is destined to become a superstar. Be sure to see the movie . I don’t think you will be disappointed. The plot is somewhat predictable, but who cares?

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AR

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Me and my new “live in” Buddy

Yes- it is true. A buddy has moved in  with me.  We have become very close.We eat together and sleep together. Wherever I go my buddy comes along. This new buddy of mine is attached to me and he is acutely  aware  every time my heart skips a beat. My new buddy likes to be on the go and  is somewhat fickle. He plans to leave me in two days and become attached to someone else.

My fickle friend is a Holter Monitor, designed to help detect dangerous heart  arrhythmias and to help determine cardiac functionality. I expect everything to be fine. I had a minor incidence a year ago and there is a history of hear t disease in my family. Thus my cardiologist suggested I have this procedure done. followed by a cardiac  exam and stress test. I have another day and a half before my buddy and I part ways.  Who knows. Perhaps we will become reattached next year.

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