It has been just over a year since my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died of a major cardiac event. I still shed tears nearly everyday, but I no longer break into uncontrollable sobs at the most inopportune times or in the most inappropriate places. I weep in the privacy of my home.
A fellow blogger submitted a post about a widow who couldn’t bear to live without her recently departed spouse and she committed suicide Her body was found by his tombstone. I feel that lady’s unbearable pain, but it is unfortunate that she decided to end her life. Nobody knows what the next day will bring–and think of the double sorrow and guilt that her family and friends are now subjected to. I also miss my spouse but I still have memories of him and I see traits of him in my children and grandchildren, I reminisce –and yes even laugh with family and our mutual friends about past shared adventures and escapades I often feel D’s presence and I carry him with me in my heart.
A short time after that fateful day I posted a blog and stated that I am no longer part of a “we,” but ‘’ONLY A ME”. I am still a me but I don’t consider myself to be ONLY a me. I am Me- a me that out of necessity accomplished things I didn’t know I was capable of. I have grown and I have gotten to know myself and I actually like that self. She is O.K.
I will strive to thrive and try to be, the best me that I can be. I think I just created a limerick -not quite as good as “Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers–“ but not bad. In any event I look foreword to going foreword and I Intend to enjoy life for both myself and my hubby.