It has been just over a year since my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died of a major cardiac event. I still shed tears nearly everyday, but I no longer break into uncontrollable sobs at the most inopportune times or in  the most inappropriate places. I weep in the privacy of my home.

A fellow blogger submitted a post about a widow who couldn’t bear to live without her recently departed spouse and she committed suicide Her body was found by his tombstone. I  feel that lady’s unbearable pain, but it is unfortunate that she decided to end her life. Nobody knows what the next day will bring–and think of the double sorrow and guilt that her family and friends are now subjected to. I also miss my spouse  but I still have memories of him  and I see traits of him in my children and grandchildren, I reminisce –and yes even laugh with family and our mutual friends about past shared adventures and escapades  I often feel  D’s presence and I carry him with me in my heart.

A short time after that fateful day I posted a blog and stated that I am no longer part of a “we,” but ‘’ONLY A ME”. I am still a me but I  don’t consider myself to be ONLY a me. I am Me- a me that out of necessity accomplished things I didn’t know I was capable of. I have grown and I have gotten to know myself and I actually like that self. She is O.K.

I will strive to thrive and try to be, the best me that I can be.  I  think I just created a limerick -not quite as good as “Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers–“ but not bad.   In any event I look foreword to going foreword and I Intend to enjoy life for both myself and my hubby.

About epsnider

E.P SNIDER is the pen name that I used to publish "WHY ME- a memoir". I used a pen name so as not to embarrass my spouse, my offspring, their offspring, my grand dogs and my friends. A dream came true when I had my first book published at the age of sixty-nine. "WHY ME? "is a collection of memoirs recounted from various stages of my life and the lives of those that I love or like at least some of the time. Most of the incidences are humorous-some are not. I am a senior but I feel more like a junior except for the aches and pains. When I look in the mirror I often see my mother or some other aging lady with wrinkles and sun spots. The amount and depth of wrinkling depends on which mirror I am looking into, the degree of lighting and how well my skin absorbed the moisturizing cream that day. Although I am mature in years, maturity is definitely not one of my virtues. If something strikes me as funny I get the giggles. Most of my family and many of our friends have a rather warped sense of humour-so I giggle a lot. Laughter plays an important role in our lives. My friends were a significant inspiration for me to begin my writing career. For the past number of years hubby and I have been spending part of the winter season in Florida to escape the sometimes bitter cold climate in Toronto Canada. Every year I send emails to those left behind. To my delight they find my emails to be hysterical and a cure for their winter doldrums. They compare my style of writing to that of the late Erma Bombeck. For those of you not familiar with the author-- she was a beloved American humorist in the 1970's and 1980's. I have loved literature and creative writing from an early age. I spent some of my growing up years in Alberta and won a prize for a best poem commemorating Alberta's bicentennial year. My grade seven teacher was a large and forceful woman, with white hair and course bristly white chin hairs to match. We were all intimidated by her and thus listened intently as she drilled us about parsing sentences and adverbs and adjectives. She provided me with a good basis of the English language. In addition to "Why Me" I have had a short essay published in a book of assorted memoirs by Canadian woman. I currently write for our Toronto Condominium newspaper. I hope to do more writing, although I am not sure if my family can cope with any more of my meltdowns when blocks of written material mysteriously disappear off of my computor. I admit I am computor and electronically challenged, but I will persevere. - - - - - - - - - - - Writing has been a passion of mine through out my life. Ever since I took a step forward and entered into the world of computers, a new world of opened up for me. I found myself engrossed in writing emails with lengthy updates about my life's recent highlights. To my delight, people found me...funny! I then offered to write for my condo newsletter, and I recently had a short memoir published. For the last several years I became glued to my computer, transferring my hand-written life adventure notes to an actual story of my life's defining moments. Finally, at the age of 69, I was done... I wrote a book! AND it's actually published. People are reading it. People are enjoying it. I am thrilled! Plus, it's one of the greatest gifts I could ever give my family. Talk about a dream come true. My advice to you: Think positive, keep your eye on the prize, and you too can enjoy as your dreams and desires come to fruition.
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  1. mike7sedona says:

    Looking forward to going forward and intending to enjoy life for both is the right attitude and best plan of action – smile and be happy! 🙂


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